Life is unreal right now, for everyone. If you would have told me that we would be in a global crisis with a strain on our healthcare and economic systems due to a virus that has reportedly claimed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people around the world, I would have never believed it; but here we are. It’s this strain that has left me and others like me in this place where self care has become difficult.

It’s unfortunate because I think I was finally in a space where taking care of myself had become a priority; and then Covid just waltz’s on in here like she owns the place and had me extremely overwhelmed. From finishing out the school year as a 2nd grade teacher, to the killings of unarmed black people, watching my facility become a place where hospitals dump Covid patients to free up beds, even when the patients are not hospice appropriate to having panic attacks in my PPE because I’d been in a room for 2 hours with what feels like no air—Covid really started to take it’s toll on my mental heath, so much so that I decided it was time for me to just take a break from things that were not absolutely necessary, such as my blog and staying engaged on my social platforms. It was a hard choice to make but, self care. Period.

I have learned to listen to my body, my spirit, when I do not feel my best. Those feelings are valid and they deserve to be met with understanding and support, so I indulged in things that make me happy—PTO from work when the stress interferes with my ability to be the nurse that my patients need, sleeping in without forcing myself to be this level of productive that I was incapable of being at that moment; sharing the responsibility of my children with other family members so that I could have time to myself and treating myself to things I wanted without the anxiety that I often feel when it comes to spending money on me—are all things I did as a part of my self care.

Spiritually I’ve been in this sort of wilderness. If you know, then you know. I have and still feel anxious about my life and the plans that God has for me. If I can be completely real, I have absolutely no idea what God is doing, and some days it doesn’t even feel like I have the strength to figure it out. It’s hard to pray. It’s hard to read my word. It’s hard to be still long enough to hear Him. But I’m trying and that counts for something.

After almost 3 whole months, I believe that I am in a better place overall. I’m back and I’m better…well, sorta. Work in progress!

I know I cannot be the only one who has been going through it. It’s okay and I’m here for you. I want you to know that it is okay to unplug when you do not feel your best. It’s alright if you take time for yourself. So often we become consumed with this idea of being busy, but there’s a difference between being busy and being productive and I for one can not be productive when I do not feel well. I think we live in this culture that tells you to continue to produce even when you need a break but I for one am coming to rewrite that narrative.

You are allowed to rest!

Even Jesus rested. Let that sink in. Stop ignoring your needs to serve your agenda or the expectations of others. Refill when empty. You’ll produce more in the long run when you properly care for yourself first.

Heavenly Father, You created the universe in six days and on the seventh, you rested. I thank you for leading by example. Thank you for showing us the way to care for ourselves does not come from trying to produce from a place of no rest. I ask that on today someone who needs to refill their cup will listen to body and spirit; that they will yield to the anxiety that they feel and that they may only feel your peace. I ask that as my words go forth on today that they will resonate with someone who needs to pause and that they care for themselves so that they can care for others. We thank you for all that you’ve done and all that you do. Continue to light the way in moments of darkness and give us the strength we need in order to withstand. Heal your land and your people Father. You are welcome here. In the mighty name of Jesus we pray, amen.