Last week, I was up late, looking at hotel rooms to book in Tulsa, Oklahoma for the greatly anticipated v 01 Transformation Conference 2019, with Pastor Mike Todd, my legit favorite. It was then that God began to speak to me. I am struggling with sharing because I don’t truly understand it all yet. But here I am, hoping that I am able to somehow help someone else in the same season;

the season of God telling you, “No. Be still.”

Truth be told, God had already been speaking to me about attending the conference way back when I decided to pay for registration. When I realized that tickets were on sale I was super excited. I have been in awe of the way Pastor Mike preaches and the messages I always leave with after listening to his sermons. What a great opportunity it would be to be in the presence of The Lord with hundreds of other believers, receiving a word that I so desperately need. So without any thought, I text my best friend, “It’s lit. We’re going.” The next day, we purchased our tickets but before I submitted payment, I felt the Lord telling me “no.”

I thought I was trippin, and proceeded to carelessly type in the numbers of my debit card that I have memorized for moments like these. After all it was the Early Bird Special, so in my mind, I had no time to wait and check my spirit to make sure my plans of attending were in alignment with God’s. The audacity. And then I ignored it because I had months to wait before the conference. That is until recently, when it became time for me to the book my flight, reserve the hotel room, and somehow seamlessly plan every detail of that weekend. I immediately felt heavy, the same type of heavy I felt when God told me no prior to registering. I was conflicted.

Why would God not allow me to go when I have the means? Why can’t I do something nice for myself without feeling burdened? Why does it feel like I can’t ever do anything?

Keeping it 100, I am so over this season of being still. I’ve been here since the middle of last year and it has literally challenged my faith. I know that’s not something a lot of people willingly share, but it’s my truth. We all have this crazy, unshakable faith, till God tells us to not go to that place, or we can’t be with that person, or we lose something of “value” to us; we then find ourselves having difficulty with believing that God is the same God who loved us then. We begin to lose sight of the promise. It is only by God’s grace that I have continuously found myself back at His feet, waiting to hear from Him, even if it isn’t the answer I was praying for.

I realized that I was not going to the conference because I could not ignore The Holy Spirit any longer. I know that I distinctively heard God say just straight up, no. Period. And to think that He owes me any type of explanation as to why, is funny. Am I sad? Deeply! Especially because this conference was truly something that I was looking forward to for months now. The beauty in this is that God knows me better than anyone else. He knows how He has to speak to me in order for me to know it’s Him AND for me to listen. Imagine a God so loving and so patient, that He waits for you to do what you already know you should do even when you pretend like you don’t know what to do, all because He cares for you and wants what’s best for you. It’s mind-blowing. So I took it like a G because obedience is better than sacrifice. Who knows what could happen if I decided to ignore His instructions and go anyway… I could be doing more harm than good so today, I accept the fact that I won’t be able to do what I want to do and how I want to do it because I am called. I am chosen. In the words of Pastor Mike, “I’m marked.”

He actually has a sermon where he talks about how He wanted to go to Elevation Church, and how he had the chance to say something to Pastor Steven about it, and God told him no. He went from not being able to be in the building or speaking about how he wasn’t in the building , to a year later, being escorted in and preaching the word on that very pulpit.

In my season of being still I realize two things.

1. He is God

2. I am not.

That basically means, I need to stay in my lane. He knows the plans He thinks towards me and in order for Him to execute those plans, He needs me to be still, and know that He is God, and has had every detail of my life planned out before I existed. In these moments of stillness God always reveals Himself and sometimes that requires Him to tell us no to things we really desire because He needs our complete attention so that we may hear His instructions clearly. Being still is not a punishment, although it sometimes feels like it. Being still means that God has so much in store for you, so much He wants to tell you and do in you, that He requires you to be in a space with just Him so that he can fully show you what those plans are. And I’d rather be able to hear God tell me no, than to not be able to hear Him at all.

Father right now I thank you for allowing me to share my life so that others may be encouraged. I thank you for my sister and brother who’s reading this right now. I thank you for their life and for loving them so much that no matter what they’ve done in the past, you desire to have a relationship with them. Thank you for speaking to them in moments of stillness. Thank you for the revelations, business plans, and visions that you are downloading into them right now. And Father I thank you for the times you told us “no” because I know that it was for our own good. I ask that you would continue to put a halt to every plan that is not yours. Close every door that does not lead us down the path to your will. Move every person who is no longer for us, every relationship that no longer serves purpose. Any place that we should not be , remove us so that we may do what you want us to do and say what you want us to say. Let our lives be a living testament to your love so that when they see us, they only see you. Reveal yourself to us God and in the next season we shall receive the permission to move out of our state of stillness and propel forward into our destiny. In your name, Amen.