What To Do When God Is Silent
For the past few months, I have not been able to bring myself to write. I made several attempts, but whenever I would sit on the couch at the end of a long day, my own thoughts have been deafening, almost unbearable. I have chosen to silence myself because to speak on what I am currently dealing with for one, makes it real; and for two, it makes me face the very things that I have desperately been trying to put in the back of my mind for the sake of my own peace. Ironically enough, God has also gone silent and I am tired,
so tired that I have given up for the time being, on trying to have Him speak to me.
I usually question if it’s me.
Am I simply not listening to what God is trying to tell me? Have I tuned Him out with all the noise of every day life? Do I not want to hear Him out of fear that what He says may hurt me?
Nope. For maybe the first time He is actually silent. This has angered me. What am I suppose to do God when I need your help, when I need you to speak to me and tell me what to do next. I feel alone, abandoned like one of those buildings on the side of the road with a “coming soon” sign where the business never actually opens. It feels like you’ve started work in me and perhaps decided that I am not worthy in the midst of attempting to reconstruct me. I’m trying to hold on but in the solitude of my waiting, your silence is hurtful and loud.
I go into my closet and grab one of my journals from a stack. Almost immediately I find a page marked “Peter.” If I had to pick someone from the bible who’s personality most closely matches my own, it’d definitely be Peter, who before the Holy Spirit came along, was impulsive, driven by pure emotion, and often lacked self-control. The thing I most identify with is how Peter had a difficult time staying out of his own way. But God radically transformed Peter into a man who was calm, wise, controlled, and confident, which is who he was destined to be all along.
I started to question how God took Peter and re-purposed him for the Kingdom. I mean, God built His church on this man. I want to be transformed like Peter. I want God to use me for His glory and for His kingdom. I have been willing and waiting however God has not changed me the same way He changed Peter. Not even close. So what did Peter do that allowed God to use Him in the capacity that He did…
I’m drawn to a previous highlight of mine in the book of John 21: 15-17.
To set up the context for this passage, Jesus has appeared to some of the remaining disciples after his resurrection while they are out fishing. He fills their nets with fish and invites them over for breakfast. He then begins to question Peter, asking if he loves Him. Each time Peter answers yes, and The Lord responds with a variation of the same answer.
THREE times, Jesus TOLD Peter to feed His sheep. I also want to point out that this is one of the last times Jesus appears to the disciples. Bear with me y’all, I’m almost to my point.
I then looked at my own situation and recalled the last time I heard God. What did He say—
He actually gave me an instruction, and told me to do something that He had already previously told me to do more than once. It is here that I realized, when God is silent and you don’t know what to do,
go back to the last thing He told you to do, and do that.
Yeah, I know that’s heavy.
It is in Peter’s obedience to do what God last instructed Him to do where Peter is restored and his calling is reaffirmed. God wants to do this for you too.
I think often when God has gone silent, it feels like a punishment to us. But maybe, He’s just trying to see if we have the discipline and the obedience to follow his commandments if we truly love Him. What has God asked you to do that you still haven’t done? Do that, sis.
I am also forced to think about about what God’s silence really means and it dawned on me that His silence does not equate to His absence. We confuse the two. Just because He is not speaking, or moving the way He usually does for you, does not mean He’s not there. The teacher is always silent during the test.
And the fact that you’re being tested in the first place means that you’ve been putting in work and God thinks you may be ready for elevation. But He has to know that He can trust you with what awaits you in your next level. He has to know that you are capable of doing the things necessary even when you don’t have everything you want. He has to be certain that you have developed the skills and characteristics that He’s been trying to work in you this season.
You see, you thought it was an attack. But it was actually preparation. God sees you and He sees your need. He sees your tears and hears even the most silent cry. He is not indifferent to our pain and He knows it well. He would never bring you to something, give you a glimpse of it if He wasn’t preparing to give it to you. Don’t give up when you’re almost there. Don’t grow weary in doing what He asked of you. Because in due time you will get everything that He’s been preparing.
Father God, I thank you for life. I thank you for giving me a voice even in the midst of your silence that enables me to speak your word to your people. I ask that these words will resonate for someone and that they will be encouraged to not give up while waiting to hear from you. When you’re silent it’s because you are up to something. Our prayers don’t fall upon deaf ears and you know every need that we have, every desire of our hearts. I ask that you would go forth and let your spirit fall on someone right now God, that they may have the enduring strength that they need in order to wait on you and that in their waiting, they will do whatever it is that you have commanded them to do. I ask that you would transform us God, like you did for Peter. Make us over, again. Someone is waiting on a sign from you Father; let this be their sign in Jesus name!